haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
