My hand turned me down
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
