So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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