That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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