Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Randomize
