who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
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Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
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Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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