It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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