I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
