I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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