Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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