I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
