best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
