she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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