Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
as a side note pls kill me
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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