This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
someone owes me an orgasm
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
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