My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
