Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
