Screwed.edu
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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