Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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