so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
