They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
