I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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