I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
