i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
