so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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