So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
