did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
