After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Well I just put wine in my tea
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I am mentally ready for anal.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
