why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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