Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
