Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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