my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
