I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Randomize
