i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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