i permit you to call me
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Let's paint friendship bongs
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
