you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
