so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
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All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
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Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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