There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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