the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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