Your mouth is God's brothel.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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