I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
