i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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