whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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