Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
