'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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