Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
