are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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