dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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