I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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