I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
