I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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