just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
