I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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