During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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