I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
