I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
