Soap is not a condiment
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
