So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
