I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Sorry my hands just texted you
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
She made me pour olive oil on her.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"