My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize