Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
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sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
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She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic