i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?