Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
