Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.