I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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