it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
