Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
