umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
