Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
