Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
