The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
