thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
