you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Every concussion has its silver lining
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
