I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
