Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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