i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
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Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
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I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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