We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
