4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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