I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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