how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
A bitchslap is in order.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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