Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
