i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
