you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We just shotgunned beers for America
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
