What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
