And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
