Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
