Having a random hookup so left but love u
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
