dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
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organizing the empties. That sober.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize