Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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